True Love; Part 2

True love is work! All the original disney movies talk about you finding your perfect prince or princess. Aladdin finds his perfect princess, Snow White finds her perfect prince with the kiss of life, the stories go on and on. In everyone of these stories, they find there perfect match and the ride into the sunset to live "Happily ever after"...now what?! How long does happily ever after last? Happily ever after is the honey moon that you go on with your spouse and you have the most wonderful time together but like any vacation, you have to travel back to the real world and thats when true love begins. Love becomes work and you have to work at it together to stay in love with each other. When you have a bad day or your spouse does, you have to learn to love each other through these times. You have to work at not taking your frustration or your stressful day out on your loved one. Even if you dated for years and then become married, you are still getting to know that person in a different light then before.

Before you had two separate lives, separate styles of living, separate bills and bank accounts, and separate families. Now all those "separates" have merged into one big package. This package is one that the slight of heart shouldn't open. Open this "present" and you will really see what it takes to truly love someone for better or worse. I can go on and on about how having in-laws that like have their say in your relationship, or money truly causes most of the problems, or whoever "brings in the bacon" has the last say on shopping...all these things will stress the relationship and through it you can grow closer and fall more and more in love with each other everyday. All these things are apart of marriage and growing with your other half. Love is a beautiful and when you sacrifice yourself for the bettering of your spouse, that is when you truly begin to love this person.

Photo courteous of State Library of New South Wales collection

Problems

Problems will make or break relationships. Its whether you choose to allow these problems to end the relationship or make it stronger. The real issue is to figure out which problem is really worth your time and is it a problem or are you just trying to change the person. Everyone does little things that bug you and they know it too...their little quirks. So when you are dating someone and they have a little quirk that bothers you, its your choice to look past it or attempt to change the person and create a mount out of a mole hill. When try and change someone, you are trying to change something that has been apart of them for a long time...before changing them...try and do this in yourself, its not easy to do. Let the quirks go, they might become the most adorable thing in the future.

No the real issue, the big problems. These are the things that bother you day and night...they fester in your mind and keep you from properly functioning. An example would be you are dating a gal and she tends to hangout with other guys a lot and spend time with them and it makes the guy feel left out and unappreciated. This problem can go both ways and can become an issue for both of them. This would be the type of problem that you would need to figure out with your significant other. How you go about fixing the problem will either escalate it or move towards resolving it.

Communicate what is truly on your heart and what is truly bothering you. If this issue is eating at you, then you need to be brutally honest and speak your mind with love, not to tear down but to communicate your opinion. Through communication you can come to an agreement and work it out or find that you are not compatible and things come to an end. Problems are never fun to deal with but you have too; use love, listen, and with work, you will achieve answers and solutions to the problem.

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Buttons

Problems in relationships are the worst. I have encountered many problems through out my relationships and they are no fun. When you first start dating, things are so wonderful. You are so "head over heals" for each other and things are just wonderful. Then all of sudden, while things are going great...some stupid little thing is said and starts the "first" argument. Usually the first one is not a big deal but it causes stress between the new couple. This can flare true problems or if handled correctly, nothing will come of it. So the first argument is out of the way and you learn of buttons not to press. These buttons you have to leave along! No matter what is going on with your relationship...those buttons are relationship suicide!

Say you had a really bad day, and for some reason when you meet up with your gal, she has it out for you. You become mad at her...so you start pressing buttons because you want to get even. Push the line too far and you will only cause pain..part of you feels so good that you shut her down but then reality sets in and you realize what you have done! Is it to late to fix it? No matter what is going through your life, those buttons are not worth the pain you will cause the other person. Would you want this pain brought upon you? When you find those buttons, leave along and forget about them...it is worth it in the long run.

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Flirting

You are such a flirt!!! Have you ever been called this? I have been called this so many times and honestly I was offended by this. I know I can be a flirt but at the same time I am a very open person and love to talk with people. Everyone thinks that if you are open and paying attention to someone of the opposite sex, you are considered to be flirting with them. So you can't even pay attention to people without being called out for it, like it's a bad thing. People have forgotten how to truly pay attention and listen to the people around them. Guys flirt when they want to get to know women around them, or at least are accused of this. I am also sure that girls do this as well but I have no idea how they do this because they are so sneaky! Guys need to realize that if they want to get to know the women in there lives they will need to go out of there way to pay attention to them. Listen to them and ask them things about themselves.

So doing all of this is quite alright but there are these times that flirting is not alright at all! When people flirt to get attention, leading people on, and fish for the "better girl or guy". When you flirt to get attention to make yourself feel good, thats when its wrong. We all know what to do, to get that "look" form people and you all know what I am talking about. We all want to feel good about ourselves but we do not need people to fulfill this feeling for us. Christ gave us everything we need to feel good about ourselves, We do not need other to fulfill that for us.

Flirting for the wrong attention goes right along with leading men and women on. We flirt to get attention and then we use it to lead people on. You use the attention you manufactured to hang out with people and once again have the feeling of being wanted and loved at other people's expense. You are using other people to make you feel good, but what about those people. If you lead a girl on, then you are playing with her heart...does she deserve that? You getting attention is not worth another person's feelings, emotions, heart being played with. If your heart was being played with, would you enjoy that?

The final thing wrong with flirting is fishing for the "better" guy or gal. Sometimes I really do not know why we "fish" or "go for" the "better" person. If I had to guess, it's because we want a challenge when we are trying to get into a relationship. If man flirts with a women, and he is not really interested in her, but he is curious if she is interested in him, he will "fish" and attempt to see if he gets a nibble. If she bits, then he loses interest and goes onto the next woman. He will continue to fish to find a gal that maybe shows she is interested but in such a way that challenges him, then he will start reeling her in until he was won the battle...let her go and move on. Fishing plays with people's hearts, its not worth it.

When you flirt, use it to pay attention to people; not to fish, lead people on, or get attention. Pay attention to people and put them first...it is worth your time.

photo courtesy of istockphoto

Mr. Fix-It

Have you ever had a wonderful boyfriend or a real good guy friend that could fix anything. He would come over and fix the leaky pipes, he would be more than willing to help your parents out with weekend projects and odd jobs around your house. Guys like this are so awesome to have around, they can fix anything. And in all honesty its in a guys wiring to fix problems that are set before him. But then you go to him with a personal problem and guess what, he tries to fix it! You did not want him to fix it, you just wanted someone to listen to you...no more.

Ok Guys, this is were it gets tough being the boyfriend or good friend. When gals come to you with tough personal stuff they don't always want you to fix it, they just may want you to listen to them and thats all. When guys have a problem, we like to fix it right away. We do not want to talk about it or draw it out...fix it and get it over with, we are wired this way. Gals on the other hand, for some reason...do not always work this way. I really do not have a clue why and I'm not going to try and figure it out. All I can say with my experience is that if they come to you with a problem, be there for them and just listen. Don't offer advice or attempt to help them through it unless they want your help, and this would be an alright time to ask if they would be ok with your help. Remember just be there, provide a shoulder if need be, and just listen to them...the solution will take care of itself with time.

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Open the door!

You are walking with a beautiful gal to your next class...there is s door within ten feet of you...what do you do?! Do you rush ahead, look weird, and open the door for her? Or do you try and look cool and just let her grab the door? Well if you let her get the door, then you are a failure at life! A real gentleman will rush ahead and open the door for the lady. Yes of course you will look like a dork but think how she will feel? You are going our of your way to serve her.

If you look way back in time, the lady was always waited on. The men would help them off their horse, carry their bags, always open the doors...and if they didn't, the women would wait for the man to to open the door. They did this out of respect for women. Men back then realized how special women truly are and they served them. God calls us to have a servants heart and serve the people around us, special the beautiful women in our lives.

Now ladies let the man open the door for you. He is trying to serve you...not say you are incapable of opening the door yourself. You are completely able but the man is trying to serve you and go out of his way for you, let him do it. You are very special and deserve to treated as such. Guys, go out of your way and open the door for the ladies. Be sweet, kind, and open the door :)

Photo courtesy of The U.S. National Archives

Be Yourself

These two words are some of the hardest actions to carry out. How many people do you know are truly themselves with the opposite sex around? I am not saying to be completely open and transparent but do not make yourself something you are not. Share real stories about yourself, not the things you think the lady wants to hear. Making yourself sound better than you really are never does any good. Because for some reason women can always figure it out and if they do not right off the bat, they will the more they get to know you.

Guys, remember that there will always be a guy out there that you think is "better" than you. But guess what, they are not "better" than you, they are just different than you. Every guy has their own set of talents and you need to stay within those talents when you are trying to impress the opposite sex. If they are not impressed and not interested, then they are truly not worth your time. Sometimes you really do have to impress the gal, but if she does not fall for the real you...then she is not worth it.

A little side note* Don't compare your **** size with other guys in front of the ladies, its not very gentleman like at all. When it is just a bunch of guys, flex your muscles and compare until you turn blue. Keep it within your male group.

So be yourself, don't flex your muscles around the gals, and remember to enjoy the time with the ladies.

Photo courtesy of musclesinlansing

True Love

Movies and relationships, two thing that should never mix. We all watch movies to enjoy the escape from reality and the adventure, action, love, heartache, joy that movies can bring us. I will have to say I love movies, a good action movie is always a good choice to past the time. I also love watching a good love story. Everyone loves to watch them fall in love in many magical ways. Like the movie "P.S. I love you" and "Dear John" Both these movies are wonderful and show what I believe to be true love, not this fake stuff. "P.S. I love you" shows a husband that dies and through gifts and letters he wrote before his death, help his wife to get through losing him and onto a new healthy relationship.

"Dear John" is a army recruit that falls in love with a beautiful women and stays true to his word to come back for her in four years after his deployment in Iraq. Well is third year in, the gal sends him a "dear john" letter and its over. His heart is broken but through love, he lets her do what she needs to do. A handful of years later, they cross paths again and the love that was once there is rekindled and they get back together.

These kind of movies are far and few because they show how hard love can really be. Love does not mean that things will always go right, just the opposite really. Love is patient, kind, it does not judge, and the list goes on. Read 1 Corinthians 13, for the true definition on love.

You know all those disney movies, that the "street rat" or local gal always get the prince and princess of their dreams. Well I hate to break it to you but it does not always workout like that. Your prince or princess maybe just the opposite of what society has made you to think they will be like. Sometimes you have to stop looking through "society glasses" and open your eyes and see the things that really matter 10, 25, 50 years down the road. Remember when you find that right person, and you walk into your happily ever after, real life starts and a whole new story will unfold.

Photo courtesy of George Eastman House

New Horizon

Guys, its time to let go of those old relationships! Just about everyone has dated more than one gal, and just about everyone has had a bad relationship, bad break-up, and a lot of bad memories. I have dated a handful of women, and I can tell you...you better let the old stuff go or it's going to make the next relationship hell.

There is so much you can take from the old relationship but the things that really hurt you, learn from it and move on. Sometimes you make bad choices, learn from those choices! I can tell you that I have learned the most about myself during a bad relationship, then when everything is going great. The thing I really like to do after a break-up is think of all the good times I had and remember the things I really liked about the gal. Then remember the things I did not like, and take all of these things and put them on my "list" ;)

Old Relationships are great lessons and are worth learning, and wounds do heal. Remember that new relationships are brand new. Do not start a relationship with all the old memories in mind. If you start with the old, you are not ready to start. Each relationship needs a new start, and a new mind set. Enjoy them and enjoy all the relationships you have in your life. They all will teach you something that will change your life.

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The Right Women for you???

Part 2: How to treat your Mommy

The relationship that you have with your Mom is a future picture of how you will treat your friend girls, girlfriends, and future wife. Your Mom is the one you watch as you grow up. You learn how to respond to things by watching your mom. On top of being your parent, she is teaching you how to act around the opposite sex. So pay attention to how you talk, act, and behave around her. If you snap at her, most likely you will snap at the special gal in your life. If you treat your mother with love and respect, you will do the same to the women in your life. I know this is not always the case but your mom is where it starts. Pay attention to your mom! And ladies all this applies to you as well. The only difference is that you watch your father and he is the one teaching you how to treat boys. So be aware of the way you treat your parents, it may show you something that will save your relationship in the future.

Photo courtesy of George Eastman House

The right women for you???

Part 1: The List

How to pick the right one??? I have seen and heard guys ask this question all the time and if they have not asked it, they are thinking it. And to be straight up honest...I have no idea how to pick the right one because I have not found the right one...yet! So instead of looking for the right one, guys should look for qualities that are in a good wife. There is a beautiful list of qualities in Proverbs 31: 10-31. For all those who don't care for what Bible says, take a chance and see that the Bible actually has some really good relationship advice, better then I could ever give.

The thing I have come to realize is that the list we men have made in our head for the "perfect wife" is not the greatest of lists. Because a lot of those things on that list focus on what we want and not things that are realistic. For example, Guys want a girl with a good "body", ok fine...boobs and a butt and that's fine but guess what guys?! Those superficial looks will be old and saggy one day. So instead of looking at who has the nicest "body," focus on the personality. The boobs may sag but the personality will only get richer with time.

This list we have created comes from many different things. I know my list has things on it that I have picked up from my wonderful mother. My amazing mother takes care of a 6 people in this zoo of a household and through her busy day, she always finds time to put food on the table for all of us. Food is a pathway right to a guy's heart, so this immediately went on my list. "My gal must cook for me!" This is just an example of how something gets on "the list." For negative things, it works the same way. I dated some one that was not athletic and I realized that I am way too athletic to not have someone to play sports with. So "must be athletic" went on the list.

These are all examples of the lists we make in our head. Some things on it are really good and some things are just plain stupid. You have to remember your motives behind why you created the list. Having a list is a good thing, I am not saying not to have one...but realize that they can cause more harm then good. Just because she does not have 2 and 6 on the list does not mean that 7 and 39 won't make up for it. Focus on the things that will truly last, it will be worth it in the end. When you are sitting on your porch with your faithful dog sitting next to you and your wife with her cat on her lap, both are reading the paper and then take the time to gaze at the beautiful sunset together. These are the times that show you that items 7 and 39 are way more important then 2 and 6.

Photo courtesy Uploaded on August 19, 2009

by LSE Library

Listen

Lets start with the guys, you need to pay attention and listen! There are so many times that I have watched guys listen to the girl and with-in thirty seconds you can see that their eyes have glazed over and began daydreaming! I am so guilty of this! Its been a long day and I go chill with the girlfriend and she starts talking and before I know it, she asks me what I think and I have no idea what I think because I didn't hear a thing she said! For whatever reason, guys just do not listen to their women. Maybe its society and their influence on guys, or its peer pressure, maybe its just not cool to listen. Whatever the reason is, guys are not good at it.

Yes it does make it hard that women speak over 3x more then men which means we have to try 3x as hard to listen. Guys talking to guys can have a whole conversation with a grunt and a hug and guys are good, no listening really needed. But women need to be heard and then shown that you have paid ATTENTION! So listening takes a little more effort, but its so worth it. You will quickly find yourself more interested in her and what she has been up too. Then she sees you paying more attention to her and in turn do the same for you. So guys, take the extra time and listen...its worth it!

Photo courtesy of paul bridgewater (Creative Commons)